How to connect genuinely with people and sustain it?

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Here is what does it takes to make genuine long term connections.

INNER PEACE

Before you can deeply connect with others, you have to first be at peace with yourself. This means accepting yourself and your past and present completely. The reason is that if you judge yourself, you will judge others and judging is a barrier to intimacy. Second when you judge yourself, you are setting the stage for others to judge you. No point in blaming others for doing something which you can't let go first.

Pro tip: Know that you have made peace with yourself and your past when you can talk about it with ease and in a matter of fact way without a tsunami of emotions getting stirred up inside.

AUTHENTIC INTEREST

A deep interest in others and their lives is a prerequisite to forming genuine and long term connections. If all you are interested in is yourself and not in others, be honest about it. Faking interest where it doesn't exist is sensed by the opposite party as insincerity and creates a barrier. Telling the person that you are learning to get interested in them is more authentic.

SHARING STORIES AND EMOTIONS

Deep connection goes beyond intellectual discussions. It involves emotions. It involves sharing stories and experiences from your life and listening to the other person share theirs.

Pro tip: How many emotions can you allow yourself to feel and talk about when you are with this person? How many emotions you can allow them to express in front of you?

GIVE AND TAKE

A sign of a healthy relationship is that it has both give and take. You must add value and you must get some value. If you feel that it is getting one directional (in any direction) know that it is not built for long term. Reflect and acknowledge what you are giving and what you are getting. If you see an imbalance take actions to set the imbalance right.

PERSONAL TOUCH

These days we have lot of technology at our disposal to keep in touch. But remember the hierarchy of personal touch while communicating.
Text messages/email communicate ideas and emotions.
Phone call communicates the voice and tone of the person (in addition to above).
Video call communicates the facial expressions and body language (in addition to above).
Meeting in person communicates the vibes and energy of the person (in addition to above).

Make it (progressively) as much personal as you can.

INVESTMENT PRIORITY

The key difference between things and people is that people have life and things are lifeless. Investing your time and energy in "life" will give you better long term returns over investing it in lifeless things. Second thing to remember is that none of us are here forever and life is uncertain. We can connect only while we exist on this plane. "Now" is the right time to connect if you don't want to get surprised by life.

Pro tip: Know that you are a master of relationships if death can not surprise you because you are always up to date in your relationships.

FUNDAMENTALLY ONE

The message of the Upanishads is that all of this creation is ONE LIFE. At the most fundamental level, all the divisions and multiplicity dissolves and there exists only the one.
The notion of connection is a myth because for connection you need two entities. The ultimate truth about relationships is that we are all already fundamentally connected and one.
The goal is to experience and express this fundamental truth.

PS. Originally published on December 21, 2017 on Facebook.